it’s so weird that i never heard anybody talk about this, but… one of the things you will notice when you start recovering is that your old coping mechanisms will stop working. they might even start hurting. which is absolutely scary, and you might even find yourself being nostalgic for worse times when you could still give into those impulses and feel the pain ease off for a while. but they stop working because you are healing. take a deep breath. see how far you’ve come. you’ll go much further yet. be proud of yourself.