Those that derail the adventure by saying “I’m gonna kill it”
Those that derail the adventure by saying “I’m gonna steal it”
Those that derail the adventure by saying “I’m gonna fuck it”
Kill:
Paladin – unflinchingly devoted to combating evil, or dangerously repressed? Either way, inclined to smite first, ask questions never, because they don’t approve of necromancy.
Ranger – if you’re lucky, the ranger has a tragic backstory that requires revenge. If you’re not, they’re straight up a trophy hunter.
Barbarian – tendency to get murdery when confused.
Steal:
Rogue – if it’s not nailed down, the rogue’s taking it home. If it is nailed down, they’re also taking the nails.
Wizard – look, those spell books aren’t going to read themselves, unless they will, in which case the wizard really wants them.
Fighter – less impulsively stabby than the more niche stabby classes, but may be unlikely to resist the urge to acquire something fancy to stab with.
Fuck:
Bard – if you don’t roll to seduce the big bad, are you even really playing a bard?
Sorcerer – it runs in the family, probably.
Druid – this is not the intended use of wildshape and no one wants this but there goes the druid anyway.
Wildcards:
Cleric – depends pretty heavily on what sort of god they follow, but you’ll probably know how they’ll ruin everything by the time they do so.
Warlock – honestly, who knows, it’s likely even they’re not sure which category they’re going to fall into until their patron’s orders come in.
I once played an Orc Monk named Deephack Choppa who broke a campaign because the DM was stupid enough to give me as many free potions that cast a random spell when thrown as I wanted.
I tied six of them together and threw them at someone we weren’t supposed to fight with because he was a dick.
I think it went: Flesh to Stone Color Spray Stone to Mud/Dissolve Rock/something Some kind of lightening blast Some healing spell? Maximized poison cloud of some sort
Killed them pretty bad. Didn’t do the party any favors either.
jesus fuck you turned a man to stone just so he could get melted and electrocuted and poisoned but kept him alive just enough to suffer through it. do you have any idea what kind of hell you subjected to that man
So the lightening blast and poison gas really only affected the party as the target was a vampire.
Tbh, it was the fault of the DM. He assumed we’d be cool with the fact that there was a very powerful and nigh unbeatable vampire who wanted to keep a woman he mind controlled as a wife and in exchange for us leaving him to his devices we would be allowed to exit the nightmare realm we were stuck in, abandoning everyone within to be eternal playthings.
He misjudged my character slightly.
If memory serves, I killed almost everything on the plane because the castle that dissolved with it’s occupants served as some kine of keystone.
The DM later had the vampire come back some how and turn me into his phylactery so he could ascend into lichdom. I was less than thrilled.
queerlybeloveds 