shaddy24:

dicebound:

grey-acefinn:

theflyingromana:

I’m reading through my D&D 5E books, and somehow I never noticed these solid gold disclaimers before??

Dungeon Master’s Guide
Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast does not officially endorse the following tactics, which are guaranteed to maximise your enjoyment as a Dungeon Master. First, always keep a straight face and say OK no matter how ludicrous or doomed the players’ plan of action is. Second, no matter what happens, pretend that you intended all along for everything to unfold the way it did. Third, if you’re not sure what to do next, feign illness, end the session early, and plot your next move. When all else fails, roll a bunch of dice behind your screen, study them for a moment with a look of deep concern mixed with regret, let loose a heavy sigh, and announce that Tiamat swoops from the sky and attacks.

Player’s Handbook
Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast is not responsible for the consequences of splitting up the party, sticking appendages in the mouth of a leering green devil face, accepting a dinner invitation from bugbears, storming the feast hall of a hill giant steading, angering a dragon of any variety, or saying yes when the DM asks, “Are you really sure?”

holy god im dead

They are in every single book and they are glorious.
If you are not reading the disclaimers you are missing out.

From the books I have:

Monster Manual
Disclaimer: Any similarities between monsters depicted in this book and monsters that actually exist are purely coincidental. That goes double for mind flayers, which absolutely, utterly and completely do not exist, nor do they secretly run the D&D team. Do we really need a disclaimer to tell you that? You shouldn’t use your brain to consider such irrational thoughts. They only make the mind cluttered, confused and unpleasantly chewy. A good brain is nice, tender, and barely used. Go ahead, put down this book and watch some reality TV or Internet cat videos. They’re really funny these days. You won’t regret it. We say this only because we love you and your juicy, succulent gamer brain.

Princes of the Apocalypse
Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast urges adventurers to remember that not all rock creatures are earth elementals. A talking rock that controls boulders is a galeb duhr. A talking rock wearing jewelry is a dao. A silent rock that’s resistant to non-adamantine weapons is a stone golem. A rock with wings is a gargoyle. A rock without a K is a giant bird. A rock that sits there and does nothing could be just a rock or a balor disguised by an illusion. In all cases, proceed with caution.

Tales from the Yawning Portal
Disclaimer: Do we really need a disclaimer to tell you that it’s not our fault that your character died because you decided to climb down into a monster- and trap-filled hole in the ground?

Volo’s Guide to Monsters
Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast does not vouch for, guarantee, or provide any promise regarding the validity of the information provided in this volume by Volothamp Geddarm. Do not trust Volo. Do not go on quests offered by Volo. Do not listen to Volo. Avoid being seen with him for risk of guilt by association. If Volo appears in your campaign, your DM is undoubtedly trying to kill your character in a manner that can be blamed on your own actions. The DM is probably trying to do that anyway, but with Volo’s appearance, you know for sure. We’re not convinced that Elminster’s commentary is all that trustworthy either, but he turned us into flumphs the last time we mentioned him in one of these disclaimers.

Hoard of the Dragon Queen
Disclaimer: The following adventure contains chromatic dragons. Wizards of the Coast cannot be held liable for characters who are incinerated, dissolved, frozen, poisoned, or electrocuted.

The Rise of Tiamat
Disclaimer: Tiamat does not apologize for TPKs.

Curse of Strahd
Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast cannot be held liable for any long-term side effects of venturing into the dread realm of Ravenloft, such as lycanthropy, vampirism, a fear of dead things, a fear of living things, an inability tsleep without a nightlight on and a +5 holy avenger under your pillow, and the unsettling suspicion that Strahd is just too cleaver to be so easily defeated and that this is all just part of some grand scheme of his to extend his power beyond Barovia. You didn’t think you could escape unless he wanted you to, did you?

Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide
Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast cannot be held responsible for any actions undertaken by entities native to or currently inhabiting the Forgotten Realms, including necromancer lords of distant magocracies, resident mages of any or all Dales but especially Shadowdale, drow rangers wielding one or more scimitars and accompanied by one or more panthers, mad wizards inhabiting sprawling dungeons accessible via a well in the middle of the tavern, beholders who head up criminal cartels, and anyone with the word Many-Arrows in their name. In the event of a catastrophic encounter with any or all such entities, blame your Dungeon Master. If that doesn’t work, blame Ed Greenwood, but don’t tell him we told you that. He knows more archmages than we do.