A long time ago I took a course on the sociology of marriage and my professor said “With compromise, you both lose. As a couple, you must collaborate on the best possible outcome.” Ever since, I never prioritize compromise in a relationship, only collaboration.
this seems like a great concept and all but. what does it actually mean?
Compromise is typically thought of as a 50/50 split amongst partner’s needs. They’re both left partially unsatisfied, but this dissatisfaction is deemed acceptable because it is ‘equal.’ However, with additional effort, many problems may be solved through collaboration; keywords: additional effort.
In collaborating, one may try to make the conflict more complex in order to expand the possible positive outcomes. This requires trust in both parties, empathy, and consideration for one another’s needs.
The objective should shift from getting what you want and ‘keeping things quiet’ to making sure your partner feels heard and considered (as they should do with you). Essentially, you must trust that your partner has your happiness in mind, and you must have theirs, instead of fighting for your own best interest.
For further explanation, Google “compromise vs collaboration.”
And with this I have learned what i always thought of as compromise was in fact collaboration
I’ve experienced both types of relationships and it’s so different when you are actually collaborating with someone.
You’re working on a group project and work towards common goals while considering the feelings and needs of your partner. Compromise is more like you building your ideal project and your partner building theirs and then the two of you try to push them together and, as said above, no one gets what they want.
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