I had a little moment today I wanted to share, because it reminded me of something important and I thought it might help others too.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had milia around my eyes. They’re little skin-toned oval bumps that are apparently caused by sun damage. Dermatologists have told me that it was a probably a result of wearing glasses and no sunscreen for so many years, while the glasses magnified the sun around my eyes. The milia never bothered me until I was told that they should bother me. As soon as others labeled them a flaw rather than a feature, I accepted that and never looked back.

The beauty industry and other women have made me see my milia as an imperfection. I went for a facial last year and was told, unprompted. “we can’t fix your sun damage here, you’ll have to laser it off.” I’ve picked at my milia to try to remove them myself, even when it caused me a lot of pain. I’ve been told that they’re harder to remove as you get older, so I should see about getting that taken care of soon.

None of this was malicious, mind you, and I carry no ill will towards the women who have perpetuated this information. We are all victims of a massive cultural push for aesthetic perfection, eternal youth and a poreless, infant-smooth face. We assume that the women around us with features we feel insecure about share that insecurity, and we swap tips on “fixing” these things out of a desire to support one another.

I mentioned to Connor that I was looking into how much it would cost to laser my milia off. He looked up at me and blinked, clearly surprised. “Oh,” he said. “To be honest, I always thought they were cute. Like little freckles. I didn’t realize they were anything else.”

It was my turn to be surprised. Was he right? So many people had told me that milia were DAMAGE and FLAWS. The average person must see them and think they’re ugly, right? Or the milia must have some health risk, right?

I looked it up. They’re harmless. They might as well be freckles for all the danger they pose me.

I looked at myself in the mirror again. Connor was right. They DO look like cute little freckles. And when I pushed aside the filter of what I’d been told to think of that part of my face…frankly, I like them! They give me character!

Laser therapy to remove milia averages $100-400 per session, and can take up to around 5 sessions to complete.

I was considering saving up $500-2000 to get rid of harmless, tiny face bumps! Money I could use for a relaxing facial, meals with friends, gas for a road trip. Things that matter, and that truly make me happy. Things that focus on self-love, not self-loathing.

To be clear: if you have milia and it genuinely bothers you, I don’t judge your decision to seek removal! We all have visions of what we want to look like, and there’s nothing wrong with seeking to achieve that.

But we all – women in particular – need to stop spreading our perceived insecurities. Don’t offer unsolicited advice about the appearance of others! Try to be conscious of when you’re projecting your own negative self image onto others. And take a minute to ask yourself where negative ideas about your appearance come from. Is this something you genuinely don’t like? Or is it something you’ve been conditioned to want to fix? I think it’s easy to forget to examine our self image with a critical eye when it’s something we live with every minute of every day and has been influenced by insidious messages from a really young age.

If no one’s told you lately, you don’t have to look like anyone else to be beautiful. And you don’t have an obligation to be beautiful at all. Your worth is so much more than what you look like. Protect yourself and your happiness, because you deserve happiness.