Nearly every decent guy I have ever met has come to a sort of understanding that they don’t want to be threatened anymore. That there are these forces in our world that think using women and minorities or poor people or whatever to threaten them will keep them in line. Many of them have told me about this kind of alienation they feel when they realize that half the things they took for granted, thought were jokes, thought was just talk among friends, were just threats. Threats from other men reminding them that if they step out of line, they’ll be worthy of ridicule, mockery, or even violence. Threats from a consumer society that if they don’t work a certain amount, buy things a certain way, they degrade themselves. Threats that even lampshade threats, and promise an end to feeling threatened… if they only threaten others like a smart cool and strong person ought to. But the threats don’t come from people who are really superior all the time. Many come from people who aren’t even worth listening to, not very cool or admirable people. But the volume of threats seems to ease that? It’s constant violent messages to stay in line, play along, and not ruin anybody else’s setup they have that generates money or satisfaction or a sense of self-actualization.
And like, it’s probably uncomfortable and even painful in some ways to like… not have an explanation where emotions of feeling threatened are coming from, probably. That may be why it’s so easy to rope some guys in like, ‘the feminists are why you feel threatened’, ‘the jews are why’, ‘black people and immigrants and gays are why.’ Whatever some asshole decides. Because some kind of easy logic that gives the feelings of threat a source will always be successful. But the truth is that our modern gender roles are highly dependent on people directly and indirectly threatening one another over how to behave and how to feel. It’s a diffused form of threat that comes from our whole world, not any faction you could ever pin down and then oppose.
It’s so easy to reach men by just suggesting that maybe they don’t have to feel bullied anymore.
if anyone asks why i’m chaotic neutral please tell them that i just said the phrase “we don’t have a moral duty to do jack fuck, just don’t be a dickhead”
This isn’t realistic for adults. I’m sorry it’s just not.
Don’t fall into believing that, “if they’re a true friend they’ll drop everything and run to be by your side!” crap.
As a responsible adult there will be times that your friends are hurting and you won’t be able to go to them.
There are times that you will have to go to work, or take your sick kid to the doctor, or do many other things that will prevent you from being there for your friend.
When your friend calls you and they’re falling apart and it’s ten minutes until you have to leave for work, you’re not a bad friend for saying, “Look, I love you. I’m sorry this is happening, but I have to go. I’ll call you back tonight when the kids are asleep.” Or “I’m so sorry this is happening. I love you and I want to be here for you but I’ve got to get to work. I’ll call and check on you during my lunch.”
Adult life is hectic and busy with important things all the time and unfortunately it’s also full of shitty things happening to people we love.
Do your best to be there for the people you love and ask for support when you need it but be understanding when being a responsible adult comes before helping you.
The idea that people need to be there any time you need them is really damaging and unhealthy, too. You can’t place value on a person or a relationship based solely on whether or not they’re available, no questions asked, whenever you need them.
In addition to the above: sometimes, someone simply does not have the energy to help. Maybe they’re coming out of a rough patch themself, maybe they have been busy all day,maybe a chronic illness is flaring up. There are a myriad of reasons someone may not be able to be there.
Obviously, if someone is taking you for granted, and never seems to care how you’re doing, that’s an issue. But to write someone off because their life and your life didn’t line up quite right at a given point in time, or maybe even on more than one occasion, is not a healthy way to handle things.
Regardless of the numbers on your paycheck or in your bank account, nobody is less than you.
Also most people in NYC are working more than 1 job. I know people living out shelters working 2 jobs.
So the fact that people are working 2 jobs and living in shelters shows that having a job or jobs doesn’t prevent homelessness. So there should still be no superiority complex in these employees.
Y’all realize poor eyesight (aka needing glasses) is an actual disability right?
Its simply one our society has normalized and made accommodations for. Its one you can function with at virtually no impairment for most because its easy to get glasses/contacts and enough people need them that we’re taken into account.
People laugh at the concept of needing glasses being a disability, but that’s because its become the standard to see disabilities only as things extremely difficult and unbearable to live with, or things that aren’t for “normal people.”
That’s wrong. How life is for people with glasses is how life should be for people with any other kind of disability – normalized, unstigmatized, unquestioned, accommodated, with resources made available.
It should be just as easy for someone in a wheelchair to have access to things that make life functionally indifferent from people without wheelchairs – just like living with glasses is for most.
Society needs a redefinition of disability – or, scratch that, they need reorienting on what “disabled” looks like and how life should be for disabled people. Being disabled isn’t defined by its hardships – it is a state of being that is unfortunately 99% accompanied by ridiculous hardships because society refuses to accommodate and still thinks they don’t have to because to them, its a simple fact that “being disabled is hard.” Why should they change?
A disability is something that leaves you at a disadvantage, in pain, non functional, etc. without some sort of aid.
Without glasses I could not drive or work, and it would severely impair my ability to even be social. You know what else does that? My other disabilities that are considered “real disabilities.”
You know what aid I have ease of access for? The thing not considered a disability. And I’d bet money that’s a direct reason why.
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ All of this.
i will say, that while glasses are certainly normalized, cost=wise there’s definitely barriers to getting tests, different kinds of prescriptions, quality of frames and lenses etc. that being said, everything else is spot on.
^^ op is extremely correct and so is this comment. a significant number of latinx and black children in impoverished school districts don’t have the funds to pay for tests and prescriptions. this has turned out to be one major factor that affects these students’ performance in school and, more importantly, their ability to learn in a classroom they cannot see well in. it’s not just abt normalizing accommodations, but making them accessible to everyone!
Another thing with how normalised glasses are: no one thinks twice about people only needing them sometimes, or only needing a very weak prescription. But someone who only needs a wheelchair sometimes? Or who could technically manage without one but everything would be harder? That’s controversial. It needs to not be controversial.
queerlybeloveds 